this is how I like it, when the conversation is easy and it’s just flowing. I don’t have to think about what to say. We’re teasing each other and you’re making me giggle endlessly. You don’t have to compliment me or talk about anything serious, but this easy conversation is enough to make me fall…

i hate when people call me sweetheart but everytime he does it, I can’t help it, I melt.

he’s such a cutie sometimes, I can’t take it.

Today it hit: What if I don’t get in to university? Journalism at my number 1 pick is not easy to get in. And what happens if i don’t get in? How will I pick myself up from the heap that I will be in, to proceed? I lost it. I bawled. Twice. Right now there’s nothing more I want. THere is so much pressure. I cannot be the one to falter in my family. How would I be able to show my fact around my family. After everything I’ve done, there’s nothing more I want but my parents to be proud of me. I realize most other teenagers could give two ….. but for me, it means everything. I want them to be able to say the one thing they were never able to: I’ve proud of you. But I think they’d be more shocked if I get in rather than if I don’t get accepted. So now my heart is breaking, the very possibility of not getting accepted is my worse fear. I told this teacher at my school this and its funny; someone that barely knows me has the most faith that I will get in. My friends tell me I can too, but I look in their eyes and its like do you actually believe this? Cuz I don’t. But this teacher does. And she told me even if I don’t its not the end of the world. She told circumstances in her life that broke her heart too but eventually ended up being for the better. So that’s what I have to do. I have to believe that God has the master plan for me, and I have to trust him. Irrevocably and completely. 

I’ve been doubting my feelings for the past couple days. I was thinking that maybe I’m just convincing myself that you’re real and that you’re good for me.
But then tonight, I talked to you.
About absolutely nothing…and it was amazing!
you reassured me of the feelings that I thought were fleeting.


I’m scared you think that i’m a pussbag or something
or that I really am too much to handle though
but i’m not…or I am
whatever, it will be worth it.

On Saturday I told him how I felt.
“I like you” was my exact words. He was shocked beyond belief.

The next day we talked about everything. He asked me that if I found out another rumour about him that I would talk to him about it first before making any judgements. I apologized becuase I know I was wrong. Anyways, soon we started talking about us. He told me he was hesitant because he’s worked so hard at this friendship, he doesn’t wanna see anything happen to it. But he still has feelings left. So we did the most mature thing: we’re gunna wait. We’re gunna wait until we’re out of high school and so we don’t have to sneak around and lie. We’re gunna wait until we’re both ready, physically and emotionallly.

This is like the best thing. I don’t know how he knows me so well. We’re just on the same exact page. I don’t even care if he messes around this year, he can do whatever he needs to do to be ready for me, when God tells us its right. Even if its not until 3rd year, I’m gunna wait until he’s mine. And when we’re together its going to be epic, (God willing) I just have such a good feeling about this.

This is gunna sound so weird, but I would not be surprised if we got married…eek!!

“Wow I thought it was just me! Like I would feel proud to tell my dad that pascale is the girl that I choose to be with and my mom loves you so much! I don’t wanna b sneaking around n all tht! Like even doe I’d probably shit my pants but I’d tell ur dad”
    - Him

when I think the feelings are gone,
they just come rushing back.

i’ve literally been waiting weeks to speak to you, just for you to give me one word answers. you always know how to make me feel good about myself.